The long winded road to being healthy

 It is a truth universally acknowledged that when you start making changes in your life, people will either praise you or drag you. The last year has taught me many lessons, especially regarding weight loss and how people see you once you start hitting those goals. 

Some friends will praise you and support you no matter what. They'll see your transformation as something positive and encourage you to continue the journey to a healthier self and be happy for you as if it were their journey.

Other friends are happy for you but acknowledge that they, too, could be on this journey but make excuses as to why they can't follow through.

I know this journey because I was on it for twelve years or more.

You see, I was always skinny. I wasn't my mother's slim, but I still was slender and had a nice body. I graduated high school weighing 110 lbs, which is my healthy weight according to "Science," but I always felt that I was too skinny because I looked very underweight.  

When I started college, I gained that fabled freshman fifteen, and by the time I had to move back home because of things that were out of my control and abandoned my studies for a year, I had gained probably ten more pounds. I was around 135lbs, still well within the healthy range for my height. 

However, my mother, who had been just 88lbs when she married my dad, and everyone around me started to pick on me because of my weight gain. Of course, then I was depressed, having had to quit college, return home, and get a job. I ate, and I binged, and then I ate some more. At the time, I tipped the scale at 145lbs and beat myself over it constantly.

My clothes went to double digits around the time my husband and I reconnected, but he didn't seem to mind my 20+lbs weight gain. We got married and moved to England. 

My life was so different in London, and I started to lose weight again. But then I got pregnant with our first child. I gained almost 70lbs. And though I lost them after my son was born, I put on the weight again. So, I spent my life yo-yo dieting for the next six years. Bingeing was my friend when I felt isolated and depressed after having to give up pursuing my career in theater.

I loved being a mum, but having to give up my dream affected me more than I let anyone know. 

And so we moved to France; living in Paris helped me lose weight, but soon enough, we wounded in Normandy, where walking around was harder. We lived right in a small village around 40 minutes away from Caen. And then I got pregnant with our second son.  

I'd managed to keep my weight under control throughout the pregnancy, barely gaining any additional weight besides the placenta and the baby's weight. And then another change. We moved back to the US. To Florida, to be exact. We went from being able to cycle around the countryside to dealing with endless cars and drivers who don't think pedestrians should exist. I retreated a lot, and though I was caring for my baby and my eldest, depression set in hard. Especially when well-intentioned friends would come around or call and talk about my weight, it was endless.

Depression was hard, thinking I should off myself regularly because I was failing as a wife. Not because my husband thought so; no, it was the women in my life who constantly picked on my appearance and my weight. 

It took years for me to learn to set boundaries and make people understand that talking to me about my weight didn't help me. On the contrary, it sent me into a spiral from which I couldn't get out. 

Since turning 40 nearly a decade ago, I tried everything. Green juice cleanses smoothie diets, Beachbody, and other workout programs. I bought meal replacement shakes that "helped" other people. It just didn't help me. 

At the pandemic's beginning, my little one and I started walking daily. I was afraid, for the first time in my life, that something like a disease could take me away from my kids. And thus we started to walk, first half a mile, then a mile, then two. 

Being outside had a significant influence on my mind. Instead of wallowing in self-pity because I've gained so much weight and was in pain, I started to think about my books, plots, plot holes, etc. 

I had several instances where all my progress evaporated. And after the second time, getting up a third time was hard. It took a full year. So when January 2023 rolled in, I was 300lbs. 

I don't know what it could be if that isn't a wake-up call. For me, it was clear. If I'd gained all that weight in two years, then what? Would I be 400lbs in two more years? 500?

I bought a weighted hula hoop and started exercising. When I saw my doctor in May, I was down 27lbs. I explained, rather focused and excitedly, that I was planning on losing 100 lbs in the year and asked if he thought that was a good goal. Should I shoot for less weight in a year? He was supportive until he wasn't. Though he thought my goal was commendable, he told me that a tiny percentage of people manage to lose that much weight. His words were highly discouraging. I understood why we'd been there before. He'd seen that I'd lost about thirty pounds before, even fifty, but never got closer to my goal. However, this time, I knew it was different. I knew I was different.

And this is how I found out about 600lbs life because I'd never seen the shows, even though I'd been back in the US as of 2011. I started watching out of curiosity, then got hooked on Doctor Now's no-nonsense approach. 

I could see my struggles on the screen. My size was not only robbing me of doing things outside the house but also it was waging a mental war on me. I seldom left the house. And when I had to go outside, panic attacks were expected.

Walking two miles a day was something I needed for my peace of mind. And even then, I was not losing a lot of weight. That's when I decided to start perusing dietician journals online. That's when I remembered a friend had lost weight by adding more water to her daily intake. I was sure I was drinking more than my share of water because I'd used an online water calculator. So, I kept within those parameters, not understanding that my body needed even more water to function. 

Adding more water to my daily count helped me shift more weight. I never thought I needed to drink even more water, but when I did, I noticed an improvement in many things in my body.

That's how I ended up at the doctor's office to get my meds refilled in October, and although my doctor is no longer there, the nurse who saw me noticed that I'd dropped 47 pounds from May to October. I was 74lbs lighter and on track to lose 100lbs as I wanted.

I reached my 100-off goal in January, actually earlier in the week. When I look back at photos of the past year, I feel both happy and sad. A few times, I've looked back with anger at myself because I didn't do anything to lose the weight. I could have. However, those times are fleeting when I remember what I struggled with. I'm learning to be grateful to my past self. Grateful is not a word that comes easily, but I know I was doing the best I could back then. 

This is my long-winded way of saying you're doing your best. You may want to lose weight, start a course, or learn a new skill, but life might take you in the opposite direction. You may not have the time. But trust me, even if it's just fifteen minutes a day, it can help you improve, learn a new skill, or improve your health. Trust me. I used to be 300 pounds, and as of this week, I'm 200 pounds. My weight loss journey is still ongoing. Like those patients Doctor Now sees, I still have a long way to go. The difference is that I know how hard this path is, and no matter how many times I fall, I know that the important thing is to get up, dust myself, and continue walking. And that's the best advice I can give anyone. Refrain from counting the times you've failed; count the times you got yourself up and continued walking.